I Can't Keep Pretending Not to Notice Anymore
by Ichikawa Akine
Summary: It was sometimes more difficult for Takao to do certain things than others, but he never complained. He never complained about how hard it was to breathe sometimes, or how shaky and weak he felt. Even Midorima, who pays the utmost attention to him, never knew how serious it could become until the silver-eyed boy's body could no longer take it.


Midorima liked to watch Takao. He liked his ebony-colored hair, his blue-gray eyes. He like how he moved, how he talked, how he smiled. Practically everything about Takao was breathtakingly beautiful in his eyes. He, himself, knew how stupid it was to fall in love with his own classmate, his only friend, but he still accepted it. Midorima knew, that if he had any control over his own feelings he would have fought against it, never allowing it to even come close to his mind, but he was a man of fate. He and Takao were a work of fate. That's what he believed.

Scorpio and Cancer had an ever-so-slightly higher than average compatibility. In some ways, many things were lacking. Takao's loud nature paired with Midorima's minimalist nature- it seemed that when they met, their personalities highly clashed. However, not everything is about horoscopes, even in Midorima's book. In fact, he quite liked the energy that surged through Takao's veins, the everlasting happiness in his eyes.

In other words, Midorima Shintarou was utterly smitten.

Because of this, he would obviously notice a change in energy in the raven-haired boy's eyes, or a shakiness in his hands. For the first day, he thought it was normal. For the second day, he thought it was unusual. For the third day, he was simply done.

When they were walking to their next class, Midorima couldn't help but address it. "Takao! What is up with you these days?" He said irritably, with a clear concern behind his cool facade, "You've been off for the past couple of days."

Takao, as expected, just laughed it off. "What are you talking about, Shin-chan? I'm always like this! Worrying about me, you have enough things to worry about already! You're going to get premature gray hairs!"

Takao said this with his usual energy, but he was looking down at the empty tile floor.

His voice was only slightly shaking, but Midorima still caught it. Even so, Takao had said this in a way the conveyed, 'It's nothing that you need to know about', so Midorima decided to let it slide for now.

* * *

For Takao, he had been noticing little problems for a while. When he went to the doctor for his annual check-up, the doctor's forehead wrinkled at his rapid heart rate ('What's wrong with it?' Takao thought), eyebrows raised at the lump at the base of his neck ('Wasn't it always like this?'), and shook his head at his high blood pressure ('I thought it was normal').

When they took a blood test for something that the doctor said was "already set in stone", nobody was surprised with it came out positive with hyperthyroidism caused by Graves' disease.

When he was given three paths that they could take, it was obvious which one to go with. Surgery was too risky, not to mention he would have to take thyroid replacement drugs for the rest of his life, radioactive iodine had odd side effects and risks- "don't sit next to someone in a motor vehicle for more than one hour?"- and he didn't want his Graves' opthalmolopathy to get worse- he couldn't risk his hawk eye- Therefore, the medication until potential remission was the best choice, not that it was any good either.

He was also told to avoid any strenuous exercise, but still went to basketball practice, anyway. It's not like he could take two years off, he couldn't waste two years with Shin-chan. He figured if he told anyone, he couldn't play basketball anymore.

So, he just shut his mouth about it.

Occasionally, during practice, he felt his heart speed up more than normal, and it made the edges of his vision darken, and everything seemed dream-like. He went to sit down, but was only shouted at by the coach.

At night, he'd worry about his eyes getting worse and worse... If his vision went bad, then Shin-chan wouldn't need him anymore. He'd cry and cry at the thought.

When they did muscle training, and felt his arms give out after just a couple of minutes, he'd get pushed to do more, but he just couldn't.

When Shin-chan asked him what was wrong, he just shrugged it off, fearing that everything that he had built would disappear.

When he pedaled the rickshaw so hard that he couldn't breathe, and felt like he was about to throw up when they were only half-way home, he pushed himself harder. If he didn't get Shin-chan home, Shin-chan would notice.

After all, his only worth to Shin-chan were his eyes and the transportation. If he didn't even have that, what else would he have? Even though he loved Shin-chan that much, he'd already accepted that Shin-chan wouldn't love him back. It was too much.

 _It hurts._

* * *

It was the first night of the week-long training camp when Midorima spotted Takao digging anxiously in his bag for the third or fourth time. He seemed to be mumbling incoherent words to himself as his eyebrows knitted together and his hands shook. Right when the shooting guard was about to come behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, the shorter one threw everything to the ground, and a long string of swears came out of his mouth.

"Takao, what's wrong? Did you forget something?"

Takao turned around, facing a very worried Midorima, looking bewildered. "H- How long have you been standing there? Scared the shit out of me!"

"It's your fault for not being more aware of your surroundings in the first place. Anyway, from the look on your face, something seems to be wrong."

Takao looked up, thinking of a suitable lie to tell. The taller one, of course, noticed and took note of it, but didn't say anything.

"Looks like I forgot to bring my toothbrush!" Midorima looked down at the shorter boy, noticing his hands held behind his back, shaking finely. Even though, he was laughing, he was definitely not laughing internally.

"Isn't your toothbrush right there?" Out of the things scattered on the ground, it was probably the first thing you'd notice, as it was a big, clunky, orange toothbrush with the a corny pun printed on it.

"Oh, hahah," He laughed awkwardly, _wrong choice,_ "Looks like I remembered it, after all! Nothing to worry about, then!" He flashed a giant, toothy grin at Midorima, one that he had experience seeing, so he was able to read it as fake.

"Takao, _seriously,_ is there something wrong?"

"No, no, I don't see why you are so worried."

Midorima sighed. It was obvious that he wasn't getting anything out of Takao for now. He might as well let Takao warm up to him.

* * *

Little did he know, though, this was not something that time would solve. Takao was constantly on edge, and his heart was constantly hammering in his chest. The more he ran, the closer he felt to the ground. It was like he was being swallowed up by the gym floor beneath him.

Each night, he went to bed worrying that he wouldn't be able to play the next day, worrying about his heart rate, and worrying that he would be thrown away by the team as soon as his eyes were rendered useless. He was practically torturing himself with his own mind. He went to bed late, and woke up feeling like he had'n teven slept at all.

It repeated over and over again, and it became more and more obvious to the rest of the team, but they still didn't say anything.

It was when Takao woke up a fever of 107°F, unable to breathe, when everyone began to worry.

Sweat was soaking his entire futon, and his body was shaking so hard that it could be visible from miles away. He couldn't get up out of bed.

The training camp took place next to beach, far away even from the nearest hospital. They didn't have transportation, as the buses left on the second day, and were coming back on the last day to pick them up.

The ebony-haired point guard urged the team to not worry about it, insisting that he was fine, and it was something he could sleep off. Midorima was about to open his mouth to fight back, about to say that he would stay here with him, when Takao showed him a pained, crinkly-eyed smile that could convince anyone in the world to do anything, he gave in and turned to leave. It wouldn't be strange if someone were to jump off a building, just because Takao asked them to with that smile.

Stepping out the door, still worried, Midorima was about to go get changed when he heard quiet sobs coming from the room he had just left. Anguished cries of _"I don't want to be left behind",_ and _"I don't want to be thrown away",_ repeated like a mantra. He could no longer take his friend's, his _love's_ suffering while pretending not to notice anymore. There was definitely something wrong. There was definitely something wrong that was there since day one.

Thus, he burst through the door, interrupting Takao's sniffles and hiccups.

"Takao, I don't think this is something we should ignore. I've told the other guys, and they're calling a bus. There is no way that you're okay in this state."

That was literally all it took from the beginning. He just needed the courage to save him. Pretending something that's painfully obvious doesn't exist is one of the worst things he could do to Takao.

Before the crying boy could even open his mouth and talk back, he was once again interrupted. "I'm sorry. I should have done something earlier." He took a deep breath. "I love you."

Then, before even Midorima knew it, the other boy was in his arms.

 _Why?_ Takao thought. _Why is it that just by being hugged by him, just by being told that I'm loved by him, do I feel so much invisible energy filling up my bones? Why is it so simple? Why do I feel happiness welling up inside of me?_

"I-"

"Don't say anything. Don't waste your energy. I know your answer already. Just make me happy these few seconds."

"Shin-chan, I-"

"Takao."

"Shi-"

" _Takao."_

"Shin-"

"Ta-"

"Goddammit, just listen to me!" His voice came out raspy and forced, but he continued anyway. "I love you, too! You should listen to other peoples' words for once, you stubborn bastard."

Before the emerald-haired shooting guard could even respond, Ootsubo barged into the room. "The bus is here! Hurry!"

Midorima quickly elevated Takao onto his back and ran outside, getting onto the large, orange Shuutoku bus.

The entire ride was awkward- The whole team was on the bus, but only the sound of Takao apologizing profusely filled the silence.

When they got into the hospital, Midorima rushed to the front desk.

"It's an emergency. We must the a doctor as soon as possible."

"Name?"

"Takao Kazunari."

"I understand. Please sit down, and a doctor will see you shortly."

A couple of minutes felt like _years,_ as the shooting guard tapped his foot disapprovingly. _I recall telling them that it was an emergency, did I not?_

"Takao Kazunari, please."

A young, female doctor finally called them up, looking tired, but Midorima could still tell that he was passionate about his job. When they got into a room, the doctor, _Akasaka-sensei,_ had Takao hop up on the table with Midorima's help, and took his temperature. After taking his temperature, the doctor took one look at Takao, and pursed her lips into a tight line.

"He's in thyroid storm. We'll do a lab, but we have to start treatment right away."

The team was ushered into the lobby, as they took Takao's blood and hurriedly brought him to the AMU _(Acute Medical Unit, another type of ICU, or something similar, Midorima learned)_ , and it took long, hard hours of waiting. Time came when the rest of the team went home for the night, but Midorima decided to stay, despite the suspicious looks that the nurses would occasionally shoot at him.

 _What would I do if he doesn't get out of this?_

 _What would I do without Takao?_

 _What would I do if I had to be alone?_

* * *

For the next two days, Takao had to be hospitalized and heavily monitored, and Midorima hardly spent any time outside of his room. For the most part, they sat in awkward silence, until the shorter one could hardly take it anymore.

"Shin-chan, you love me, right?"

"Obviously."

"Can I kiss you?"

"...Obviously."

A warm kiss was planted on Midorima's lips, and he was surprised that anything could be that soft.

Soon, as time passed, more kisses were shared, growing increasingly hot and passionate, with more hands going either up into another's shirt, or even down the other's pants. When finally, Takao was discharged, they exited the hospital holding hands, and the rest of the team couldn't be more surprised (not really, they knew this was going to happen from the start).


End file.
